Hey, so tomorrow is my birthday. Aw yeah. It’s a pretty lame time to have a birthday honestly – a week and a half before the photo shoot with one and a half gowns left to go – but I’m getting enough done that I can take a break in the evening and celebrate, so that’s cool. And I’m excited about our plans, so that’s even cooler. I’ll be 32, if that’s of any interest to you – it’s not very interesting to me at all. It’s not bad or anything – it’s nothing – it’s good. Nothing birthdays are good after you’ve passed 30, amiright? So the milestone has nothing to do with my age, but instead entirely business-related. In less than a month, I’ll be showing my stuff to the world at the bridal market and selling. Um . . . I’ve never sold anything in my life. I mean, I’ve sold stuff online and worked with custom clients and stuff, but no actual “showroom” selling. Like, let’s make a deal, or something. What? I don’t even understand that. And there’s only so much you can learn online and from books – there’s a lot about the industry that I just don’t know yet. Hopefully people are nice to me. And hopefully I sell some sh*t.
I am completely puzzled why I continue to choose careers that leave me entirely open and vulnerable to criticism and rejection. Up until a few years ago, I was pursuing an acting career. I hated the lack of control and then sort of stumbled into apparel manufacturing and that morphed into bridal, which I LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING. But it’s bizarre that this, to me, is more controllable than acting. I mean, yes, I can make anything I want and I don’t have to wait to be cast in something, but I’m entirely at the mercy of other people to actually BUY it. Oh and this is a lot more expensive than acting! But I don’t at all regret this choice – not for even a split second. I feel like the luckiest a$$hole in town, to tell you the truth. And I have been very fortunate with the reaction to the Fall collection – hopefully it’s even better for Spring ’12!
That’s part of the gown I’m working on now. I’m feeling really good about it. Honestly, I’m feeling really good about all of them so far, which is kind of freaking me out. Now I’m overwhelmed by a fear of rejection, but I can’t figure out what people would reject. So I’m afraid I’m completely off with this whole thing. But I would honestly wear every single one of these myself. Is that the problem? Are people like “yeah, well, I don’t wanna dress like you, so there”? This is called a downward spiral, my friends. Happy Birthday to me.